Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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