He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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