For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
