This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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