Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
