I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Please don't give away my fajitas
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