He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
