So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
