The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
