so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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