What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sarcasm needs its own font
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
