then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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