so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
porn star boner night. come get it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
