great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
