Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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