I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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