Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
