Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
