I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
