He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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