I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
