My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
