someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
