sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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