hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
