Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You've changed since you got that strap on
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize