Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
