CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
