When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
