cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so let's talk penis.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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