mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
