ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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