my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
