I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
