we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
