Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
