just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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