He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
