when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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