Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize