her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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