East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
