is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
