Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
