my phone needs a breathalizer
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
