No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
