On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I want her autograph on my taint
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize