She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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