Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
