apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
