i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
