The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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