i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
