I wish I could teleport
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize