So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize