Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
