Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
handjob tips. give me some.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize