you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
