absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
