omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
