like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
