Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
