Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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