so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize