It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
